Chicago Pet Loss Resources

Wagging tails, calming purrs and sloppy licks are some of the simple pleasures that dogs and cats deliver to their human companions day in and day out.

A pet’s warm love and friendship makes it that much more difficult to deal with the loss when Rover or Socks dies. Several Chicago animal organizations, therapists and pet funeral homes offer help to those who are grieving.

“It’s like losing a family member and it can be very devastating,” said Joslyn Jelinek, a Lincoln Park-based licensed clinical social worker who counsels people mourning the death of a pet. “I think we really talk about how pets are part of our lives. We dress them up. We take them places. But we don’t talk about how hard it is to go through the loss and the grieving.”

For many people, the loss of a pet is just as difficult, and sometimes more difficult than the passing of a human family member, said Gary Bloze, co-owner of the Illinois Pet Cemetery in Lincoln Square, one of the oldest pet cemeteries in the nation. And, since pets have shorter life spans than humans, people may face the loss many times over.

“It’s more or less immediate when you lose a pet, you feel it so hard right away,” Bloze said. “You never forget your pets.”

The deep sense of bereavement can become even more stressful when coupled with the fact that some people may be insensitive to a friend or colleague mourning the death of a dog or cat.  

“What you feel is what you feel, and that bond is very strong,” Jelinek said. “I think we’re fooling ourselves to say it’s insignificant.”

It’s hard to tell your boss you need the day off because you lost your dog, Jelinek said, so coping strategies may need to be designed around someone’s life. Coming home without someone greeting you at the door with a slobbery hello can bring on a “flood of sadness,” Jelinek said.

Jelinek recommends calling the pet loss helpline run through University of Illinois College of Veterinary Medicine for anyone experiencing a particularly difficult moment.

The help line allows callers “to reach out to people who understand, and to understand that it is okay to be upset over the death of a companion animal, to understand that its okay to feel really sad or angry or guilty,” said Cheryl Weber, a client counselor specialist with the vet school. “Those are all normal emotions and, even though it is a pet, the grief from pet loss can be very, very intense.”

Helping children mourn the loss of a pet can be trickier, as kids are sometimes left out of the equation while parents are dealing with their own sadness. Sometimes a pet has been a part of a child’s entire life and the death can mean losing the furry equivalent of a big brother or sister.
 
Memorializing the lost dog or cat in some way is very important to help a child cope, Jelinek said. Putting together a memorial scrapbook, or visiting a special beach or park that the pet particularly enjoyed can help.

Visiting a pet’s gravesite at a cemetery is another way to memorialize and celebrate its lives.

At Elm Lawn Cemetery in Elmhurst, parts of the grounds are for human burials, and other parts are for the animals. Most of the time, there are many more flowers on the animal side, said Cindy Swerdon, a sales counselor.

To make the burial process easier, the cemetery offers a pick-up service because sometimes it is just too difficult for someone to physically put the pet in the car and bring it in, Swerdon said. The Illinois Pet Cemetery, which has around 16,000 animals buried at its facility in Hanover Park, offers a similar service.

Moving on with life can bring up other feelings besides sadness, Jelinek said. Pet owners often feel guilty if they get a new pet, as though they are betraying their best friend. If euthanasia is involved, guilt can overshadow sadness. Many people second-guess their decision to put their dog or cat down, but sometimes it’s just the right thing to do.

“You can’t always let nature take its course. Intervening is sometimes the most humane thing to do,” Jelinek said.

Everyone’s relationships with their animal companions are unique, so the grieving process and coping strategies will vary from person to person or family to family.

“Do what works for you but definitely feel the feelings that you’re having, take the time that you need, tell people - tell people who you know will listen,” Jelinek said.
 
And while dogs and cats may get the most press, losing a fish, bird, reptile, ferret or chinchilla can be equally hard.

“Anyone in the kingdom is important, they’re all considered friends and companions,” Jelinek said.