{"id":101115,"date":"2022-07-18T18:20:34","date_gmt":"2022-07-18T23:20:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/news.medill.northwestern.edu\/chicago\/?p=101115"},"modified":"2022-07-18T18:20:34","modified_gmt":"2022-07-18T23:20:34","slug":"cake-candles-card-a-dozen-dos-and-donts-for-handling-adult-birthday-awkwardness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/news.medill.northwestern.edu\/chicago\/cake-candles-card-a-dozen-dos-and-donts-for-handling-adult-birthday-awkwardness\/","title":{"rendered":"Cake? Candles? Card? A dozen do\u2019s and don\u2019ts for handling adult birthday awkwardness."},"content":{"rendered":"

By Sarah Berman
\n<\/strong>Medill Reports<\/em><\/p>\n

Does hearing the happy birthday tune make you cringe? Do you dread seeing the number of candles on your cake increase each year? You\u2019re not alone. <\/span>Celebrating birthdays dates back to ancient times<\/span><\/a>, but after turning 21, many people feel like this milestone starts becoming fretful instead of fun. Whether it\u2019s time to celebrate your latest trip around the sun or someone else\u2019s, here are some suggestions for overcoming adult birthday anguish.<\/span><\/p>\n

Do shift your birthday mindset from aging to gratitude<\/b><\/p>\n

\u201cGratitude means having the privilege to age another year,\u201d said Nicole Bentley, staff therapist and intake director at Cityscape Counseling in Chicago. \u201cI encourage my clients to turn their attention toward what they can feel grateful for in terms of aging and their birthday.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t stress over sending reciprocal birthday wishes<\/b><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t keep score. \u201cYou aren\u2019t obligated if someone wished you a happy birthday to pay attention to when theirs is,\u201d said Lizzie Post, an etiquette expert at the Emily Post Institute and the great-granddaughter of Emily Post. It\u2019s thoughtful and considerate to acknowledge the birthdays of the people closest to you, but it\u2019s not like \u201ctake a penny, give a penny.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Do see if your office lets you opt in or out of a birthday celebration<\/b><\/p>\n

Many \u2014 but not all \u2014 offices hold monthly celebratory gatherings to ensure that everyone gets recognized. \u201cThe last company I worked for, people needed to opt in if they wanted their birthday acknowledged in any way,\u201d said Jill Kruger, associate vice president and head of compensation and HR analytics at Atlantic Financial Group.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Do keep track of birthdays for key people in your life\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Mark special days on an iPhone calendar. If you don\u2019t want your monthly schedule riddled with confetti notifications, note the big day in someone\u2019s contact information. \u201cIf you want to be a birthday person, you have to actively try to be a birthday person,\u201d Post said.<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t ask people their age<\/b><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s definitely not polite to ask somebody their age, but I think we are beyond the point where age is something to be embarrassed about,\u201d Post said. It\u2019s only OK to discuss if the person being celebrated has already made the number public knowledge.<\/span><\/p>\n

Do make it clear who\u2019s paying for the celebration<\/b><\/p>\n

\u201cNobody said you have to treat the person on their birthday,\u201d Post said. \u201cI think it\u2019s really, really nice when friends are able to pay, but a lot of people are totally willing to be able to pay for their plate on their birthday.\u201d The organizer should convey financial details before the party, which can be done via text, email or phone call. Is the group treating the guest of honor? If it\u2019s not in your budget, politely decline the invitation.<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t mention gifts on an invitation<\/b><\/p>\n

\u201cAdult birthdays don\u2019t come with the obligation of gifts, and you need to be aware that there is no including a wish list,\u201d Post said. Also, if \u201cno gifts, please\u201d is on an invitation, take it seriously. If you need to bring something, you can\u2019t go wrong with a card. But feel confident showing up gift-free.<\/span><\/p>\n

Do let the birthday girl or guy design the guest list<\/b><\/p>\n

Even if someone else is throwing the birthday party, the person-of-honor decides who\u2019s on the invite list. Maybe for big birthdays someone wants a giant celebration, but other years that person just wants to hang out with two friends.<\/span><\/p>\n

Do tell people it’s your birthday if you want them to know<\/b><\/p>\n

No one is a mind reader. Remind people \u2014 or put the big day on your Outlook calendar to subtly get out the word.<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t assume how people plan to celebrate<\/b><\/p>\n

Not everyone wants to go crazy on their birthday, even if it\u2019s a big one, like 21. Instead, say, \u201cHappy birthday! What are you up to today?\u201d Post suggested. Maybe it\u2019s the highlight of the year, or maybe it’s just another day of the week. People can celebrate how they\u2019d like. It\u2019s their birthday, not yours.<\/span><\/p>\n

Do own it if you forget someone\u2019s birthday<\/b><\/p>\n

You can apologize, but don\u2019t sweat it. It isn\u2019t a big deal. \u201cThere are plenty of times where there\u2019s no good reason for you to have known it was someone\u2019s birthday,\u201d Post said.<\/span><\/p>\n

Do think about how <\/b>you <\/i><\/b>want to celebrate.<\/b><\/p>\n

If you\u2019re not a party animal, skip the huge bash. \u201cI encourage people to pretend as if they\u2019re going to spend their birthday alone,\u201d Bentley said. \u201cThen, I want them to think about what an ideal day would look like for them and invite some friends along.\u201d No guilt!<\/span><\/p>\n

Sarah Berman is a graduate journalism student in the magazine specialization at Medill. You can follow her on Twitter at\u00a0@sarahberm\u00a0<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Sarah Berman Medill Reports Does hearing the happy birthday tune make you cringe? Do you dread seeing the number of candles on your cake increase each year? You\u2019re not alone. Celebrating birthdays dates back to ancient times, but after turning 21, many people feel like this milestone starts becoming fretful instead of fun. Whether […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":844,"featured_media":101126,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[194,28,5317],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-101115","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-arts-culture","category-general-interest","category-summer-2022"],"yoast_head":"\nCake? Candles? Card? 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