{"id":47007,"date":"2016-11-23T23:11:52","date_gmt":"2016-11-24T05:11:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/news.medill.northwestern.edu\/chicago\/?p=47007"},"modified":"2016-11-24T11:13:05","modified_gmt":"2016-11-24T17:13:05","slug":"cold-turkey-is-bad-enough-this-year-thanksgiving-presents-the-real-scare-of-political-cold-war","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/news.medill.northwestern.edu\/chicago\/cold-turkey-is-bad-enough-this-year-thanksgiving-presents-the-real-scare-of-political-cold-war\/","title":{"rendered":"Cold turkey is bad enough. This year Thanksgiving presents the real scare of political cold war"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>By June Leffler<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"dropcap\">Bringing up the election is ground zero for a cold war during Thanksgiving dinner. Everyone has a strong, contentious opinion, but it&#8217;s better to lay low to avoid total annihilation.<\/p>\n<p>Who hasn\u2019t weighed in on how to deal with potential political discussions this Thanksgiving? Therapists, advice columnists, talk show hosts and their callers, anyone who tweats.<\/p>\n<p>Some groups advocate for <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/hashtag\/BridgingOurDivides?src=hash\">#BridgingOurDivides<\/a> during dinner. That seems too optimistic when most folks want to <a href=\"http:\/\/www.huffingtonpost.com\/entry\/thanksgiving-politics-poll_us_5834c18ee4b000af95ed2105\">avoid<\/a> the discussion entirely. Still, is it even possible to avoid talking about what many have obsessed over since election day?<br \/>\n<!--more--><br \/>\nNick Wright grew up in Cleveland, Ohio. Ten years ago his mom and step-dad started an organic farm in Middlefield, Ohio. Wright believes his mom\u2019s politics shifted because of the move.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMy mom was pretty progressive and loved Bill Clinton,\u201d he said. \u201c[In Middlefield] she dealt with a lot of white rural Trump supporters\u2026 she became a part of that community.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>All the while Wright has spent the last five years in Chicago, a prototypical liberal city.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDuring the election we were silent,\u201d said Wright. With the distance and\u00a0 time difference, Wright said he talks with his mom about once a week. They certainly did not talk on election day.<\/p>\n<p>Wright wasn\u2019t even sure whom his mom voted for. \u201cShe voted for [Libertarian candidate Gary] Johnson, which isn\u2019t so bad,\u201d said Wright\u2019s aunt, Niki Miller, who is progressive and has been so since the \u201860s. Niki Miller voted for Clinton.<\/p>\n<p>Wright said most of his family is anti-Trump, like he is, but he doesn\u2019t want to \u201cskewer\u201d the rest of them.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI really don\u2019t know what will happen [on Thanksgiving]. My brother doesn\u2019t walk away from an argument with a smile,\u201d said Miller.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c[My parents] are people that always have the TV on in the room, and it\u2019s usually on Fox News,\u201d said Wright. Without paying too much attention to it, he said he could see something on the news triggering his aunt or uncle. \u201cI hope someone will grab the remote and change the channel.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Wright\u2019s mom is hosting the family at her farm, tucked away in rural Ohio. Family members are traveling from both coasts but once they arrive they might feel a little stuck. Wright said the only way to get away would be to take a walk in the woods.<\/p>\n<div class=\"getty aligncenter\"><a id='5UtzMBuhSMtf7USM-3Zt2Q' class='gie-single' href='http:\/\/www.gettyimages.com\/detail\/459617376' target='_blank' style='color:#a7a7a7;text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal !important;border:none;display:inline-block;'>Embed from Getty Images<\/a><script>window.gie=window.gie||function(c){(gie.q=gie.q||[]).push(c)};gie(function(){gie.widgets.load({id:'5UtzMBuhSMtf7USM-3Zt2Q',sig:'5uQSqJnhmGIAQy4las03lVzq-w-3-yjoXy8HZOt8EYk=',w:'594px',h:'424px',items:'459617376',caption: false ,tld:'com',is360: false })});<\/script><script src='\/\/embed-cdn.gettyimages.com\/widgets.js' charset='utf-8' async><\/script><\/div>\n<h6>Thanksgiving is awkward for everybody. (Getty Images)<\/h6>\n<p>Mark Pfeffer is a licensed psychotherapist in Chicago who says folks face \u201cheightened anticipatory anxiety\u201d before holiday, family visits.<\/p>\n<p>Pfeffer advises his clients to first decide if they even want to go to Thanksgiving dinner. \u201cPeople have been through enough gatherings to where they routinely go,\u201d he said. Still it doesn\u2019t mean they have to.<\/p>\n<p>Pfeffer said if folks decide to go, in preparation, they can make a rescue plan.<\/p>\n<p>A rescue plan is something you arrange with your partner or whomever you are closest to. It should set discrete and intentional ways to check in on each other\u2019s wellbeing during the event.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAfter 20 minutes, plan to huddle and see how everyone is doing,\u201d Pfeffer suggested. \u201cUse signals like pulling on the earlobe if you need someone to rescue you out of a conversation.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Avoidance is a popular strategy for keeping the peace. That\u2019s Wright\u2019s and Miller\u2019s strategy.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s been so painful.\u201d Miller said. \u201cI won\u2019t even say [Trump\u2019s] name. Sometimes it helps to take a break from it all,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n<p>Weston Strickler said his family is exceptionally good at avoiding politics. Strickler will visit his family in Kokomo, Indiana. He voted for Green Party candidate Jill Stein, and his parents voted for Clinton, but his aunts and uncles voted for Trump.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThey are the typical Midwest voters who voted for Obama and now voted for Trump. They wanted change.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Strickler said if someone makes a political statement, everyone will politely not engage.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe\u2019d say hmmm, look at him and nod with a smile. An affirmative without continuing or encouraging it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Strickler said his family grew up with shared Christian values of simplicity, kindness, and passivity, not fire and brimstone. His mother\u2019s side of the family is Mennonite.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe all like each other, all have the same underlying values. It\u2019s just more about how they think, with these values, that things need to be fixed.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Pfeffer said avoidance doesn\u2019t have to seem like you\u2019re wearing blinders and just hoping for the best.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI do counsel people to look someone in the eye, make eye contact and say, \u2018I don\u2019t want to talk about it.\u2019 That is a direct and legitimate way to disengage.\u201d Or say directly that it\u2019s about time to change the subject. \u201cBe assertive without making a big scene.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Folks seem especially tense over this election in part because of the campaign\u2019s derogatory language and demonization.<\/p>\n<p>Wright believes his mom&#8217;s vote was based on economic policies, not on bigotry.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThey aren&#8217;t racist people, to the extent that they&#8217;re white people like you and me,\u201d Wright said. \u201cThey don\u2019t feel strongly against Muslims.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Winona did not want to be identified because of the awkwardness with her family. \u201cI\u2019m having a hard time going home because my mom\u2019s telling me that something that she can accept is racism, sexism and homophobia,\u201d said Winona.<\/p>\n<p>Winona grew up in rural Meade County in Kentucky. She is 24 years old and moved to Louisville, Kentucky, six years ago to go to college.<\/p>\n<p>Winona is queer, black, and a Black Lives Matter and pro-choice activist. Her step-dad and mom are both white fundamental Christians.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m black and pretty gay. Many of my loved ones are people of color and trans,\u201d said Winona. \u00a0\u201cMy mom says \u2018well, you can\u2019t just take it so personally.\u2019 They know about things that have happened in the past. They tell me not to let it define me and not bring it up.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Winona said she speaks with her mom once every two or three months, and visits about three times a year. She blocks her family on her social media. Her mom did call her the day after the election, saying she had voted for Trump.<\/p>\n<p>It can get combative between her and her step-dad. \u201cIt\u2019s screaming in a way I\u2019ve never seen it in public \u2026 screaming \u2018you\u2019ve been brainwashed\u2019,\u201d she said. \u201cMom would be happy if all we did was talk about kittens and butterflies, but simultaneously she brings up politics.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>To make the visit easier, she brings up recipes, one of the few things she and her mom bond over. If she is engaged, she tries to remain calm. She discusses ideas rather than making statements about the person, but she doesn\u2019t cower.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIf I\u2019m silent, then people think I\u2019m consenting and agreeing.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Winona is bringing one of her friends to Thanksgiving, to support her and lessen the blow.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHe\u2019s shown me to hold myself to a standard of being treated well. He taught me about boundaries in a way that had never occurred to me before.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Friendsgiving is a relatively new tradition that provides the promise of refuge through a more casual gathering of friends for the holiday. For folks like Winona, Friendsgiving provides a safe space to openly be herself.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThere\u2019s a certain level of respect and empathy,\u201d said Winona. \u201cOur families are difficult or not existent, so we need each other and a community emphasis on being loving and warm.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That is, if one of your friends doesn\u2019t reveal for the first time that they voted the other way.<\/p>\n<div class=\"featurecaption\">Photo at top: Thanksgiving could be worse. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/rockandrollfreak\/\">(Courtesy of Freaktography\/Flickr)<\/a><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"text-indent: 20px;width: auto;padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px;text-align: center;font: bold 11px\/20px 'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,sans-serif;color: #ffffff;background: #bd081c  no-repeat scroll 3px 50% \/ 14px 14px;cursor: pointer\">Save<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By June Leffler Bringing up the election is ground zero for a cold war during Thanksgiving dinner. Everyone has a strong, contentious opinion, but it&#8217;s better to lay low to avoid total annihilation. Who hasn\u2019t weighed in on how to deal with potential political discussions this Thanksgiving? Therapists, advice columnists, talk show hosts and their [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":290,"featured_media":47014,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[194,452,1145,2941,28,2952,30],"tags":[3424,1245,482,890,3420,3425,3423,3422,3367,2306,1579],"class_list":["post-47007","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-arts-culture","category-beyond-chicago","category-election-2016","category-fall-2016","category-general-interest","category-politics","category-public-affairs","tag-anxiety","tag-clinton","tag-election","tag-family","tag-friendsgiving","tag-holidays","tag-kentucky","tag-ohio","tag-thanksgiving","tag-trump","tag-twitter"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Cold turkey is bad enough. This year Thanksgiving presents the real scare of political cold war - Medill Reports Chicago<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/news.medill.northwestern.edu\/chicago\/cold-turkey-is-bad-enough-this-year-thanksgiving-presents-the-real-scare-of-political-cold-war\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Cold turkey is bad enough. This year Thanksgiving presents the real scare of political cold war - Medill Reports Chicago\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"By June Leffler Bringing up the election is ground zero for a cold war during Thanksgiving dinner. Everyone has a strong, contentious opinion, but it&#8217;s better to lay low to avoid total annihilation. 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