{"id":56247,"date":"2017-01-26T16:27:17","date_gmt":"2017-01-26T22:27:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/news.medill.northwestern.edu\/chicago\/?p=56247"},"modified":"2020-01-26T16:45:49","modified_gmt":"2020-01-26T22:45:49","slug":"wheels-of-change-dating-for-gay-men-with-disabilities","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/news.medill.northwestern.edu\/chicago\/wheels-of-change-dating-for-gay-men-with-disabilities\/","title":{"rendered":"Wheels of Change: Dating for Gay Men with Disabilities"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Peter Jones<\/strong><\/p>\n

Peter Vishneski was 20 years old when a car accident left him paralyzed from the chest down. The Oak Park native was attending college at St. Louis University but had to take a year off to recover. Four years later, Vishneski has adapted to life as a wheelchair user and plans to return to St. Louis to start a master\u2019s program in the fall.<\/p>\n

Aaron Anderson started experiencing numbness in his feet in May 2014, which then spread to his arms and chest. He was diagnosed with Guillain-Barre Syndrome, a condition where the body\u2019s immune system attacks its nerves. Now 40, Anderson has regained some upper body mobility, but his legs are paralyzed. He lives in Uptown with his dog Buddy.<\/p>\n

Vishneski and Anderson comprise a unique demographic. Both are gay and had boyfriends when they became disabled. They are now single and looking to date as members of the LGBTQ community with physical disabilities, presenting them with challenges from either or both identities.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

According to a 2012 research study<\/a> funded by the National Institutes of Health and the National Institute on Aging, \u201clesbian, gay, and bisexual adults showed higher prevalence of disability than did their heterosexual counterparts.\u201d The study found that 26 percent of gay men and 40 percent of bisexual men had a disability, compared with 22 percent of heterosexual men.<\/p>\n

Belonging to the LGBTQ community alone presents its own obstacles separate from having a disability. The National Alliance on Mental Illness<\/a> says \u201clesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) youth are 2 to 3 times more likely to attempt suicide than straight youth.\u201d<\/p>\n

Vishneski and Anderson both cite apps and mutual friends as ways of meeting people to date. The two always disclose their physical disabilities through their profiles or photos.<\/p>\n

\"Peter
Peter Vishneski sits in his family’s living room in Oak Park. (Peter Jones\/MEDILL)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cWhen it\u2019s online or through a dating app, my first line is \u2018My legs are paralyzed but here\u2019s some interesting things about me,\u2019\u201d Vishneski said. \u201cHaving a disability is an icebreaker.\u201d<\/p>\n

Anderson feels uncomfortable dating or interacting with other gay men because of their focus on physical appearances. A 2016 study<\/a> published by the American Psychological Association found that, \u201cgay men were more likely than heterosexual men to report dissatisfaction with their physical appearance (29 vs. 21 percent).\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGay men are so conditioned to everything has to be perfect,\u201d Anderson said. \u201cYou have to have it all. [My body] is so not perfect. The gay men I know don\u2019t know how to deal with it [my disability]. They pretend it\u2019s not a thing or superficial acquaintances will just ignore me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Anderson said having a disability has exacerbated his insecurity about looks.<\/p>\n

\u201cBefore I was self-conscious and focused on going to the gym,\u201d Anderson said. \u201cNo matter how hard I go to the gym, my legs just aren\u2019t going to work.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eric Johnson is a licensed clinical social worker and counselor for LGBTQ issues. A gay man himself, he says this obsession for gay men stems from a sense of shame.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn order to escape rejection or ridicule, we basically are forced to put up appearances,\u201d Johnson said.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, Vishneski feels a greater sense of inclusion within the LGBTQ community because of his disability.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe LGBT community is relatively receptive to people with disabilities,\u201d he said. \u201cPeople with disabilities are still a minority group, as LGBT people are. I think that is something that brings us together.\u201d<\/p>\n

In addition to body image and inclusivity, Vishneski and Anderson face another obstacle in their dating lives. Whether LGBTQ or not, members of the disability community often feel they are desexualized by society.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think a lot of that desexualization comes from other people\u2019s perspectives on just not knowing how to approach sex with someone that is physically disabled because they haven\u2019t had that experience,\u201d Vishneski said.<\/p>\n

This stigma against people with disabilities having sexual urges like their able-bodied counterparts has even led to a lack of education.<\/p>\n

\u201cGenerally speaking, accurate information [about sexuality] is not readily available to the disabled community,\u201d said Jae Jin Pak, self advocacy discipline coordinator at the University of Illinois at Chicago.<\/p>\n

Photo at top: Aaron Anderson with his dog Buddy in his Uptown apartment. (Peter Jones\/MEDILL)<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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